This.

I am so tired of being so wrecked without you. I am so tired of missing you. I hate that as awful as I feel, I can’t really hate you. I hate that it’s so easy for you to be without me. I hate that you have no qualms with cutting me out of your life after four years of friendship. I hate that you can forget about me while I am stuck here, running around in circles wishing I could see you. I hate myself for not being able to let go of you.

I want you to hurt like I hurt. I want you to feel alone and helpless. I want you to ache with everything I ache, in all the places I ache. I want you to feel the pit of your stomach twist every time you see my face or hear my name. I want you to know how it feels to be punished for something you have no control over, and have absolutely no say in the outcome of your relationship. I want you to feel everything I have felt and more.

But more than anything, I want you to feel like you need me. I want you to want me around again. I want you to feel like you have made the biggest mistake of your life. I want you to think about me and wonder if I miss you, if I forgive you. Because I do. I want I want to see you smile and hear your laugh when I say something stupid. I want you to come back. And it kills me.

It’s a “crying-and-eating-while-listening-to-John-Mayer” kind of Sunday afternoon.

Jesus Christ, just get off your high horse and tell me you like me already.

Redeux

Damnit…it’s happening again. And this time, I want to let it happen. God knows you’re worth it :/

I don’t know where I am

Love, hate

Or if I lay somewhere in between

I want to be the song that sings you to sleep;

I want to be the sweetness in the air you breathe.

You are my fever

and I am just waiting for you to break.